Christmas without you....

My family and I used to listen to this old 80's tune of "Christmas without you" sung by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton. It was a sad song but had a nice ring to it. My dad would always twirl my sister and I while the song played.

This year was a good Christmas but I was having a Christmas without my family. Phil and I spent a whole week in Ohio with his family who has over the years become mine. It was a great time of relaxation, visiting with friends and family, and joyus celebration not just my brother in law getting married but of the best day of the year....Christmas!

I am going to post some pictures and maybe a video to show you soon. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Cold wind and football games

I have really loved going to my brother's football games this year. I am going to show you some pictures. He is officially big enough to kick my butt. He is huge and I still kiss him on the face. I love my family and you can surely tell. My sister and I are very supportive of each other and my brother. They won their football game last weekend 64 to 0. Pretty good I thought. A new rival has been started. I wish I could have played football but I settled for the dance team and thank goodness I got to attend every football game for four years of high school free. Now that the air is getting colder it makes it even more fun. Fall is in the air and my alumni fight song rings in my ears. Is it silly I still stand and do the drill team routine to the fight song? My sister and I still belt out the lyrics to our alma mater. Thank the Lord for sports, football, and big (younger) brothers who play the game and give you a reason to attend your old high school football games.

Blogging is time consuming...

I really just want to say that I do wish I blogged more. I have so much on my mind and heart and I really do have many pictures to share with you all. So I promise I will come back here on Wednesday and update this with pictures and things that have been happening here. I will leave one picture with you. Hudson got his new chair and he hates it with a major passion. He screams bloody murder in the chair and in his car seat. ....When you hear a crying baby think of me.

Too Busy...

Sorry I have not posted in a long time. I must say life has been a roller coaster. We are still in the same situation as before. I had a job interview Friday and I hope to hear back soon. We are looking at schools for Hudson and hoping to take a tour soon. Please keep praying for Phillip and myself. We are still experiencing many emotions that really hit us so quickly and sometimes leave in the same way. We really need wisdom and discernment. More to come soon.

Apartment hunting, pizza, and magazines....

So I went apartment hunting today. It was quite fun and I must say I believe I have made up my mind on where I would stay. We have rental options galore and it is amazing to me that I must deturmine which place would make the best home. The last two places I lived was not so much a choice. My first place on my own was a very old single trailer on my grandparents property. My grandparents own amazing river front property on the banks of the Tennessee River and in between two beautiful mountains. I hope to retire on this land someday. But you must know that on this amazing land is a circle of old some uninhabital trailers that they have used to rent out. My parents bought this old trailer in the 70's used. I lived there when I first came home from the hospital as an infant. So you can imagine when I lived there as a recent college grad that it was a bit worn. My grandparents graciously allowed me to live there rent free. I just had to pay the light bill as they called it. Water came free from the fresh spring on their property and was amazingly pumped into my trailer. It had potential in a creepy horror film sort of way. I lived there for two years. My second home was an apartment on the trendy, rich town of Signal Mountain. Phil and I live here still. Since I took a nanny position they offered an apartment as part of my pay and I must say they are great and spacious apartments and I have lived up here for 4 years and counting.

Now is time to move on....we must move off this mountain to save money on gas, car mantinance, and to be closer to all down in the valley. So I saw some really nice places today. Afterward I went to my dad's house and we had pizza and I was able to relax and look at all of Ann's awesome magazines and watch Bizzare foods...I love that show. I wonder where our next place will be. We looked at a house in Middle Valley on Sunday and it was cute and cozy. We shall see........

Do you trust me?

Sorry it has been such a long time since I have posted anything. Life has been busy and hard and at times fun. For the most part I see myself and my family standing at a crossroads of different choices. I have no idea which choice to make and so I wait. What I am waiting for I do not know but Phil wishes I would stop waiting to get a job....I have been more actively trying to find one. As I sit and watch my beloved husband try hard to feed my special needs son I have many emotions go through my mind and heart. One of amazing love for both and how blessed I am to have such an amazing husband who truly shows me how to live by the fruit of the Spirit. Secondly, how frustrated I feel that I am in this hard situation with my son and how much stress it adds to my life and my marriage. Thirdly, I roller coaster back and forth between feeling depressed and hopeless and ready to perservere and find out how God is using this for His glory. Right now my son has been put to bed and is crying for someone to come and hold him. It kills me to hear him but he is also realizing we will come to the rescue. So I am really struggling with many things right now: bill collectors, taking care of my son, getting a job, possibly moving, my desire to be healthy, the hard work it takes to have a solid marriage, allowing all of these things to mold me into more of a child of God. I am exhausted and maybe I haven't allowed the Holy Spirit to live through me. I think I am trying to do it all in my own strength. So here is the question: Do I trust Him?

Phil and I have been reading the amazing biography of missionary doctor David Thompson. The book is called"On Call" and I highly recomend this book. His testimony and story stopped me in my tracks one night. He had experienced a much worse trama than I and at the moment he found out the most horrible news of his life God asked him "Do you trust me?" Wow, do I really trust him that he is going to take care of my family? I have to daily even sometimes moment by moment answer that question and rest in His promises and goodness. Do I believe that what I believe is really real? I must and that requires action! I will trust Him like a little girl places her hand in her daddy's as he walks her across a busy street. I will trust Him like a baby getting its vaccines for the year. Even though it hurts and he is holding me down through the pain it is for my own good and He loves me. I will trust Him.

"Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take hime at his word, Just to rest upon His promise, Just to know "thus saith the Lord." Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him, How I proved him o'er and o'er; Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus! Oh, for grace to trust Him more." (Louisa M.R. Stead, 1850-1917)

Family Vacation

So it has been almost a week since we returned from sunny Florida. I am finally able to share my pictures with you. We had a great time with family, just relaxing by the pool and walking on the beach. The resturants and seafood were great and it was our first time to put Hudson in the pool. He really loved it and we were glad we went.

Road Trip to Daytona Beach....

We left Friday at 5:00 pm from my mom's house in Rossville, GA. We stopped at Cracker Barrel's to eat and feed Hudson and then 6 hours (or so I thought) to go and we'll make a pit stop in Tampa to visit Aunt Judy and family. We made great time from Chattanooga to Tifton, GA where we stopped to gas up and I got some natural engery booster that only gave heart burn. After Tifton, time and miles felt like they were standing still. We got to Tampa at 3am and went straight to bed. The next morning Phillip (Judy's husband) made pancakes and they even cut their pinapple that they had grown (which took 2 1/2 years to grow). We enjoyed visiting family and eating cubans. About 4pm we headed to Daytona for the rest of our trip. Enjoy pictures from the first part of our trip.

Carmen and I at Cracker Barrel ....

Pinapple at it's greatest....yummy!

Aunt Judy holding Hudson...

The girls in the garden.... Carmen, Me, Anise, and Judy (the guys are taking the pictures)

Phil wanted me to say hello to the Michael and Matthew......be good while we are gone.

Chinese Food, Nail Polish, and Formula

Phil and I just celebrated our 3rd year anniversary yesturday. We went to P.F. Changs and had an incredible cross cultural food experience. We tried many different things and loved being out by ourselves. My mom came over to watch Hudson and my sister thought she should come so my mom could paint her toenails. Since we are leaving for the beach on Friday I figured she could paint mine as part of my anniversary gift. We had a great time together last night. I just really love my family and spending time cutting up.

Hudson has been going through a stubborn stage of not wanting to eat his night time feeding. This also includes his much needed medicine that is suppose to be taken appoximatly around 8pm. We are having a time trying to get him to take it then but are also trying to be cool about it. We went to speech therapy yesturday where we tried baby food. He wasn't having a good time and the therapist came up with a really interesting idea for getting Hudson to try new foods. We will start by using our finger and doing some therapies at home to get him used to different textures in his mouth. Pretty cool I thought. This week is very full of appointments, laundry, and taking care of Hudson but I must say life is never boring.

Thinking of all of this Phil and I are amazed at how much grace the Lord has given us. We still are able to laugh and not be serious all the time. I do like that I can be crying and mad one minute and the next laughing and feeling blessed.

I am a mix of emotions now and have many things to consider as I possibly look for a job, a new place to live, or other very serious things. It will be a roller coaster ride but I'm ready. Bring it on.

The Kilmer Family Reunion

Sorry it has taken me a few days to get this posted. Life has been busy but I must say last weekend was wonderful. We went to Phil's mom's family's reunion. It was filled with laughter, fun, and a time of reflextion on times past. Friday we all gave updates about each family because the last time we met was in 2006. We meet every two years. Saturday we played family games and had a blast. I amazed that everyone from young to old takes part. Saturday night we ate together and then met to watch a film about the good old days, then had our elephant gift exchange. Each reunion wouldn't be complete without a devotional time where the gospel is presented and a time of singing some wonderful hymns. We met at the Gastof Amish Inn in the south of Indiana. It was a great time and Hudson got to meet a lot of Aunts, Uncles, Grandma, and distant cousins. Enjoy the pictures below.

On the way to Indiana....

What a trip! We started this morning at 9am for Indiana. Hudson slept all the way to Clarksville, TN. So we stopped at Craker Barrel and ate. I had blueberry pancakes with blueberry syrup. After we left Craker Barrel Hudson began to cry. Phil eventually got in the back seat to console him. The ride was beautiful and we even saw sunflowers on the side of the road. We got to the Amish village and our hotel and met all that was involved with the reunion. We ate and then we all shared what has happend to each family since we last met in 2006. After this we all played a huge game of bunko and had a wonderful time. Poor Hudson was exhausted and we will go to bed soon. Watch tomorrow...there is more to come.

Vacation Bible School

This week is our annual Vacation Bible School. I have the priviledge of leading the Faith Finale each day. This year's theme is The Power Lab and takes place in a science lab where we learn about God's miraculous power. The stories, songs, and even snack time has been really cool. Each day a crew gets to make the snack for the whole vbs and the snack goes along with that day's theme.

I have enjoyed the finale everyday. We have done some pretty cool experiments too. I found myself at home singing the songs from VBS. I was trying to remember what VBS was like when I was growing up and one year comes to mind. I was about 8 years old and I remember everyone lining up outside under the sign with our age on it. I remember doing crafts., hearing a bible story and my favorite was hearing the missionary story. They would only tell a little bit each night and we had to come back each night to see how it ended. Now that I think of it God was starting to instill in me a desire to be a missionary. It's amazing how God uses children's ministries to impact a child. I am really appriciative that I was able to be a part of VBS now and in the past. What is your VBS memory?

A Great Weekend!

Wow! I woke up this morning feeling utterley exhausted. I just got back from having a great weekend with friends who are now family. It started on July 4th. Phil and I left for our great friend and Phil's old roommate from college, Josh Walker! We stayed at his house for the weekend. We had a blast. We went and watched incredible fireworks. We were so close we had to run from the firwork debris. Hudson seemed to be enthralled and of course we left tired, sweaty, and loving the American tradition of watching fireworks. We packed pb&j sandwhiches and sodas and headed out. We met some of Josh's friends and had a great time.

Saturday was great. It started out with Phil and Josh picking blackberries out of Josh's backyard and then making me fresh blackberry pancakes with sausage. Then Phil, Hudson, and I headed out to Toccoa Falls College to see Cathy, Nathan, and Ellie Doan (my old roomie from college and her family). We spent some time with them and it was great to be back in my 2nd home. Later that day we had more friends over to Josh's for a cookout. It was great to see everyone who is either pregnant or has kids. I never thought we would be having babies and living our dreams.

Sunday we went to church and enjoyed fellowship with Josh's church friends. Since we were headed home we couldn't help but to stop by our favorite resturant in Atlanta. We ate at Havana's cuban resturant. We had cubans, black beans and rice and ending it all with rice pudding. It was great end to a great weekend. After leading the Truth Project at church we came home and crashed. A weekend well spent!

Independence Day......

Do I really take a moment and think about being free? I remember trying to explain this holiday to my arab students in Lebanon in 2001. Wow! I found myself on the thin line between a freedom of a nation and freedom in our hearts and minds. I told them of the true freedom we can find in Christ. I'm not sure how it was received but so many times I keep myself locked up in the chains of sin and I don't allow myself to live the life that my God so eagerly paved the way for. That is freedom from sin and freedom to follow Him. Are you free today? Do you lock yourself up in sin, lies from the enemy, or lies from our culture?

One thing is certain, I do know I am blessed to be an American citizen. I have never known the sting of not being able to pursue my dreams and to pursue my Lord in a country that does not allow freedom. I would love to hear some of your experiences with this issue of freedom.

"It was for freedom He set us free..."

A New Post ....

Wow! I finally did it. I have been saying for months now that I would start a blog. I do have many issues in my life that I need to get out and write about. In return I would love to hear your feedback and know someone gets a kick out of this blog. I am amazed of the blogs that we keep on our favorites; how many of them have some of the most profound and interesting things to say. I'm always excited to see what is going on in the daily life of our friends. So to those who choose to read...Enjoy!