Do you trust me?

Sorry it has been such a long time since I have posted anything. Life has been busy and hard and at times fun. For the most part I see myself and my family standing at a crossroads of different choices. I have no idea which choice to make and so I wait. What I am waiting for I do not know but Phil wishes I would stop waiting to get a job....I have been more actively trying to find one. As I sit and watch my beloved husband try hard to feed my special needs son I have many emotions go through my mind and heart. One of amazing love for both and how blessed I am to have such an amazing husband who truly shows me how to live by the fruit of the Spirit. Secondly, how frustrated I feel that I am in this hard situation with my son and how much stress it adds to my life and my marriage. Thirdly, I roller coaster back and forth between feeling depressed and hopeless and ready to perservere and find out how God is using this for His glory. Right now my son has been put to bed and is crying for someone to come and hold him. It kills me to hear him but he is also realizing we will come to the rescue. So I am really struggling with many things right now: bill collectors, taking care of my son, getting a job, possibly moving, my desire to be healthy, the hard work it takes to have a solid marriage, allowing all of these things to mold me into more of a child of God. I am exhausted and maybe I haven't allowed the Holy Spirit to live through me. I think I am trying to do it all in my own strength. So here is the question: Do I trust Him?

Phil and I have been reading the amazing biography of missionary doctor David Thompson. The book is called"On Call" and I highly recomend this book. His testimony and story stopped me in my tracks one night. He had experienced a much worse trama than I and at the moment he found out the most horrible news of his life God asked him "Do you trust me?" Wow, do I really trust him that he is going to take care of my family? I have to daily even sometimes moment by moment answer that question and rest in His promises and goodness. Do I believe that what I believe is really real? I must and that requires action! I will trust Him like a little girl places her hand in her daddy's as he walks her across a busy street. I will trust Him like a baby getting its vaccines for the year. Even though it hurts and he is holding me down through the pain it is for my own good and He loves me. I will trust Him.

"Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take hime at his word, Just to rest upon His promise, Just to know "thus saith the Lord." Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him, How I proved him o'er and o'er; Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus! Oh, for grace to trust Him more." (Louisa M.R. Stead, 1850-1917)